Office of Citizen
Rest in Peace,
Mayor Jackson... "concerned about the human impacts of pollution in northeast Ohio"
Submitted by Norm Roulet on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 00:36.
Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson held a press conference today on the hills overlooking the beautiful Cuyahoga River Valley, where he proclaimed "I am not a mutant - no Clevelanders are Mutants - pollution don't mutant people... mutants mutant people... and I'll Prove it".
All two honest journalists remaining in Ohio attended the press conference, and puked. They are being treated at MetroHealth for pollution poisoning, and are reported to be in critical condition.
That or less was the Mayor's response to news that the Sierra Club and other environmentalists are "concerned about the human impacts of pollution in northeast Ohio"... "think that it's inadequate to expect networked monitors in a region as large as northeast Ohio to be able to compensate for each other's outages"... think "it's a matter of opinion whether high particulate levels are unhealthy only if they persist for a 24-hour period"... and "say it's downright insensitive to claim otherwise, particularly for those who live in a relatively less polluted area".
Note how you can barely see MetroHealth across the polluted valley
Mayor Jackson then showed his 110% confidence in his entire air quality staff, and the Cleveland Department of Health... and the high quality of air in Cleveland... by announcing he is moving City Hall into the former LTV headquarters, directly adjacent to the primary steel mill at Arcelor/Mittal - saying "I get chills every time they blast that furnace - now I can see, smell and hear them blasting away at our environment all day long.... makes me think of the good old days when BP was flowing all that beautiful oil into the Gulf.
"You know, BP is from Cleveland"... the Mayor gushed... "Drill Baby Drill... tee hee... I always wanted to say that".
"That pollution makes my people proud and strong" - Jackson said - "Now, the employees of the great City of Cleveland will be even greater - we shall work next to the steel mill and gain wisdom and power from the fumes".
The city of Cleveland's health insurers immediately canceled all employee health coverage.
Sources at City Hall report all 1,854 of Jackson's family members working for the city of Cleveland resigned, issuing a family statement reading "look what he's done to our neighborhood of Central... we are right by the mill and it is hell here... we need to escape for work, at least".
Mayor Jackson went on to read a statement prepared by Cleveland Health Director Matt Carroll:
To which Carroll commented to the press... "Did I really write that?" "Fuck... I was polluted".
Director Matt Carroll took back his words, stating he has brain damage from the pollution here and he is resigning to move to Montana and recuperate...
Regarding the mayor's plans to move the Cleveland Health Department next to Mittal, Carroll exclaiming "is that mutant insane - the staff will all get mutated and die... who will repair the pollution monitors then!?!?"
Jackson broke out into rolling laughter, cackling... "too late Matt, the mutation already has you... and your little dog too."
The former LTV Steel Headquarters in Cleveland, Ohio, was bought by a Houston real estate firm for a song because it is in one of the most toxic sites on Earth - otherwise, it is a lovely building... lots of free parking and places for picnics.
I propose the Mayor of Cleveland, his Cabinet, the City Council members, and the Cleveland Department of Health all move here, as there is lots of space, it is cheap, and it offers an impressive view of Cleveland and the source of the death of the community. In one direction is Mittal and in all other directions... pure disaster - like life on Mars.
A complete arsenal of air quality and environmental monitoring devices should be located on the roof. Featured on this roof, in a screened enclosure with full toxic air fume flow-through, should be an environmental education center for advanced, wealthy college, private and parochial students to study and even spend nights or weeks, as Cleveland believes that air is as safe as in Gates Mills.
Rowing teams practicing crew on the Cuyahoga may have a club room here for afternoon tea.
The current City Hall should be converted into a home for environmentally harmed families to detoxify on their way out of the region for recovery from the harm caused here - all this should be provided at city of Cleveland expense....
Luckily, the rent at the LTV building is cheap... far cheaper than the luxury air conditioned offices currently rented by the Cleveland Health Department at Erieview Plaze (what does that cost us a square foot, and who gets those checks?).
Clearly, our city leaders need to be closer to the source of the pain and suffering in this community to understand the harm they cause, because all they are doing is greenwashing the region right now.