Submitted by Jeff Buster on Sat, 04/09/2011 - 10:24.

I am working on a story about my ex-friend Mack, who let me use his beach house free for a week - but even before I got to pop my first Heine, I knew Mack was an ass hole.   I'm still too angry to write more now....when I get myself calmed down, I'll post the rest of my insults about Mack and his f#*king beach house.

 Ok, I had a quick nap so I am composed enough to get back to the point of this post – Mack the idiot invited me to stay at this condo on St. John, in the US Virgin Islands.     

It was ok that I had to pay for my own ticket to fly down here.   Expensive though. I had to get to the impossibly chaotic airport at 5:45 AM, and if that isn’t a pain in the ass enough, I had to change planes in Miami and some huge guy had the seat next to me and spent the entire time on his stupid BBerry.    Click Click with his pudgy dirty thumbs.  
Finally I am able to get away from the big FF when the plane door opens in St Thomas. And I get this pounding migrane from the kerosene jet fuel fumes – Christ no wonder the frickin’ globes getting warm – not from carbon dikeoxide, but from not burning this shit. 
There’s no one is at the gate to meet me in St. Thomas, that’s the first thing that p’sd me off.    Anyone who invites you to stay at his condo for a free week ought to at least have the f’*,<>ing courtesy to have a cab ready for you. Someone with an ice cold beer.
But whatever, I grab a Heine myself , (ahh!! Perfect ice cold!!), down that thing in one toss, and I’m on the ferry headed to Cruz Bay.   Too many #><king natives on that thing. 
And it smelled real rank like fish.   Except on the fo’c'sle – some nice spliff up there.
Next thing that   disappointed me was when I got to the house was that his f*><ing beer frig was set at 41 def F.   WTF!?   Mack invites me to stay at a GDF(*)+iing condo with hot p^ssing brew?! S@[]T!   I had to go down the stupid condo stairs and walk a block to a one of those discusgusstiing smokie quickie shops to snag a bag of ice. (Mack will hear about this S!TT!).   But I have to tell you, the smoke shop did have one cool thing way at the back in the dusty dark.   An Origial MARLEY vinyl!  (see Bob above)
I get back UPSTAIRS to the GD condo with the ice bag – it rips open prematurely – KKKKGGGGRRRR!!!!* - and about ½ the SshT spews all over the bamboo floor matts.   WTF!!!#    Why the hell does Mack have bamboo on the floor?   Stupid. Really Stupid.
I get about 3 cubes of the Frking ice in a plastic bowl and bury a six pack of Heine under the cubes. Whew. Starting to look like vacation right about now…YES! Check out the view as the sun’s bustin its nut!

 But the noise ricoshettiing abound on the veranda from the waves crashing on the beech across the street is enough to make anyone get on edge. Crash!!! Draining noise…. Crash!!! Draining noise. WTF. Mack!!! MACK!!! You are an ASS HOLE!

You lure me into a FUUU$%! trip to a house which sounds like a sucking sewer pipe.   MAC< yoou Ahole you owe me BIG TIME!
This is FRRGGing outrageious.   You take MY MY MY idea to buy a house in the Carribeand and you BUY this PCOFSH+++T?   
MY blood pressure must have been about 210 at that point so I took three 50mg metoprolol to bring it down.     But 45 minutes later the sun was still pounding me right in the eyes and Mack still was an ASSHOLE.
The GD ice had all melted by now – I was three beers into the 6pk.   Maybe somebody on the beach will have a spliff.  
I'm over to the beach.  Mack's internet speed sucks anyway.  Let you know what my luck is tomorrow.









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I can't

wait to read the rest of the story.

Mack's an idiot

Any new drama today with that assh*le?, Jeff?